Two wrongs don't make a right
by yogam65
Summary: An argument between Max and 99 turns ugly when they both won't admit to being wrong


At the headquarters of KAOS, Maxwell Smart sat tied to a chair waiting to find out what his captors had in mind for him. He sat through hours of interrogation but they were unable to make him crack. Now the next step was obviously torture. KAOS always prided themselves in the art of torture and he cringed at the thought of what they would do to him. He had been in tough situations before but this one proved to be one that wasn't going be easy to get out of. Max struggled but the ropes were too tight, unless another CONTROL agent came to his rescue soon, it looked like he was a goner. Footsteps could be heard from down the hall walking toward the room. Beads of sweat started trickle down his face as he waited and watched the door. Max started to panic as he again tried with all his streighth to loosen the ropes. No use. The doorknob slowly turned, the sweat began to pour off Max, as his eyes stayed glued to the door. Suddenly. in stepped 99. Max breathed a sign of relief at the sight of her. 99 quickly shut the door and ran up to Max.  
  
"Boy 99, am I glad to see you, any moment now they were going to come in and torture me. Untie me quick." Max pleaded.  
  
But 99 just stood infront of Max not doing a thing except stare at him. He started to squirm to get her attention, "Ahhh, 99, could you please untie me before those KAOS fiends come in here?"  
  
"In a moment Max." she said as she crossed her arms across her chest.  
  
Max's eyes grew wide, "In a moment Max? What do you mean in a moment? 99, what's wrong with you? Will you hurry and untie me before they get here!!"  
  
99 took a step back and studied Max's situation, "Tell you what." she said as her finger tapped her chin, "I'll untie you. if you admit to being wrong the other day"  
  
"What are you talking about!?" Suddenly Max remembered, "Oh no you don't, I'm not going to admit to anything cause you were the one that was wrong" Max stated with a head nod.  
  
"Love, I don't think you're in a position to argue about it, just tell me you were wrong and I'll be more than happy to untie you, then we can get out of here"  
  
Max struggled against the bonds, "I will do no such thing"  
  
99 shrugged, "Well if that's the way you feel about it, then I think you're gonna be in a world of hurt in a few minutes."  
  
"If it's a choice between me being unmercifully tortured by KAOS or tell you I was wrong. then I'll take KAOS." Max said stubbornly.  
  
"Suit yourself" 99 said as she started to climb out the window.  
  
Max turned his head as far as he could towards the window, "99 you're not going to leave me like this?"  
  
"Oh, what was I thinking" 99 said as she came around and faced Max. "Good luck, Love" 99 said as she kissed Max on the cheek. "And by the way, you were wrong"  
  
99 headed out the window as Max could hear the men coming toward the door.  
  
"99!, come back here!!" Max shouted back at her.  
  
99 crouched under the window to hear the KAOS men take Max away kicking and screaming. 99 gave an evil grin as she imagined the kind of torture KAOS would put him through when suddenly she heard, "99, I'M HOME"  
  
99's mind snapped back to reality as Max walked through the front door. She was in the middle of mopping her kitchen floor and only half finished it when Max came home.  
  
"99? where are you?" yelled Max from the living room  
  
"I'm in the kitchen" she yelled back, " but don't come in cause the floor."  
  
No sooner did 99 say it and Max was flat on his back on the kitchen floor.  
  
".is wet" finishing her statement.  
  
Max looked up at her, "You did that on purpose, you're still mad cause I won't admit to being wrong, which by the way, I am not."  
  
99 said nothing and ignored him as she continued to mop the floor around him.  
  
Max carefully got up to avoid slipping again, "Listen 99, this is ridiculous. This has been going on for almost a week and If you would just admit."  
  
99 pushed the mop closer to him as he jumped back, "That I'm wrong? Not on your life", With each word of her next statement she shoved the mop against his feet, "You're the one." "That." "is." "wrong!" with that Max was pushed out of the kitchen.  
  
Max wiped off his wet shoes and yelled back, "If that's the way you feel, just remember it's Thursday night and I just might not be in the mood, if you get my drift"  
  
99 popped her head out of the kitchen, "It doesn't matter cause I have a headache anyway."  
  
Max narrowed his eyes and shouted back. "Yeah? Well, I can hold out just as long as you 99... or whatever your real name is"  
  
From the kitchen 99 gave a loud exasperated huff that satisfied Max for getting in the last word.  
  
The next morning, Max came down the stairs to the breakfast table. As he approached the table he saw a cold piece of toasted bread and a cup of rather cold coffee.  
  
"99?" Max yelled to the kitchen  
  
"Yes?" 99 replied from behind the door.  
  
'What's this?" Max said pointing to the food.  
  
99 walked out to the table sipping a hot cup of coffee and eating a piece of nice, warm toasty bread.  
  
"What's what?" she said with her mouth stuffed.  
  
"This" pointing closer to the food.  
  
99 looked down at the table "Looks like ,cold toast and cold coffee?"  
  
"I know its cold toast and cold coffee, what I want to know is why its cold toast and cold coffee."  
  
99 finished the last crumb of her toast. "Well. it was hot when I put it down earlier this morning. Maybe you should get up sooner instead of sleeping in like you usually do"  
  
"Like I usually." Max didn't even bother finish his answer and just went past her to the kitchen for some hot coffee.  
  
"Oh Max, the Chief called this morning and wants us in his office first thing this morning"  
  
"What for?" Max yelled back  
  
" He has an assignment for the both of us to work on."  
  
Max came out of the kitchen, "Me work with you? Are you kidding? If we're in a gun battle with KAOS, you might shoot me by mistake"  
  
"Yes, that would be a big mistake. wouldn't it?" 99 grinned.  
  
Max opened his mouth to say something when it hit him about her snide comment. His eyes narrowed, "Come on, let's go"  
  
Max and 99 arrived at the Chief office when both of them got to the sliding door first. Both looked at each other neither one giving in to move out of the way.  
  
"Don't you know it good manners to let a lady pass first?" 99 pointed out.  
  
"If I see a lady, I'll be sure to do that" Max replied.  
  
99 nodded, "Oh very funny, but then I have always been told that beady eyed men have a terrific sense of humor"  
  
The Chief looked up to see Max and 99 still wedged in the door and neither one was budging.  
  
"All right you two, you'd better settle your differences right here and now. I have an important mission and I can't take the risk of one of you messing it up. Max."  
  
"Me? Now that's not fair Chief, if you only knew what she did the other day." Max started to explain.  
  
The Chief held up his hand to stop Max from continuing his woeful story, "I don't care what she did." 99 opened her mouth to defend herself and the Chief looked over to 99, ". or what he did. When you're both on company time, you put your differences aside till your off the clock, is that clear?"  
  
Max scuffed his foot against the ground, "Yes, Chief."  
  
The Chief waited for 99 to acknowledge him.  
  
"Right, Chief" 99 mumbled.  
  
Max looked over to 99, "Truce?"  
  
"Alright, truce but only till we're off this mission."  
  
Max offered his hand to 99. Taking it, she squeezed hard. "Owwww," Max gave a pained look, " Chief, she squeezed my pinky"  
  
The Chief knew it was going to be a long afternoon as his fingers went straight to the bridge of his nose.  
  
Max sat at one end of the room while 99 sat at the other while the Chief filled them in on their mission.  
  
"We have tracked KAOS agents frequenting the Won Hong Lo Chinese restaurant. We suspect that information has been filtering out of there but we haven't quite figured out how."  
  
"What about the messages in the fortune cookies?" 99 asked  
  
"That's what we thought at first 99, but when we got one of the cookies, our boys in the decoding department found that the message was just a regular fortune. No hidden meanings, just a fortune. They must be using some other clever way to get the information out. Its going to take, skill, intelligence and quick timing to find out how they are doing it, that's why I wanted my two best agents on this assignment.  
  
99 leaned over to the Chief, "Who is the other agent I'll be working with?  
  
The Chief just sighed, " Max is the other agent, 99"  
  
Max shot daggers at 99 as he grumbling under his breath.  
  
The Chief rolled his eyes as he continued, "Every month the restaurant has a health inspection. We've arranged for you and Max to be the inspectors for this month. This way you can look around without being too conspicuous. Remember, this is a KAOS front. Be careful of what you say or do, your lives may depend on it.  
  
Max leaned toward the Chief also, "If 99's the health inspector, we're in a lot a trouble Chief. She has a hard enough time keeping our apartment clean."  
  
Max nodded his head at 99 to show her two can play at that game.  
  
The Chief had heard enough, "Both of you can go now"  
  
99 walked out first with Max right behind her.  
  
The Chief cleared his throat to get Max's attention, "Max, I'd like to see you a minute"  
  
Max pulled back as 99 went on.  
  
"Yes, Chief" Max said  
  
"This must be some fight you two are having, its been going on for almost a week. I want to make sure it doesn't interfere with your mission"  
  
Max patted the Chief on the shoulder,"Don't worry Chief, 99 wouldn't dare do anything to jeopardize this mission"  
  
From outside the Chief's office 99 yelled, "MAX!! IF YOU'RE NOT OUT HERE IN ONE MINUTE, I'M TAKING THE CAR AND YOU CAN GRAB A TAXI HOME."  
  
Max looked at the Chief and inched his fingers apart. "Well maybe you can worry this much"  
  
"MAX!!" shouted 99  
  
Max cringed and raised his fingers a few inches higher, "Would you believe, this much?"  
  
The Chief just nodded.  
  
Later that evening, Max sat on the couch reading the paper while 99 sat at the sewing machine working on a new skirt. Max slowly lowered the paper and looked at her. He had thought this argument between them was going on way too long. It wasn't healthy for their marriage and he was getting cranky from the lack of affection between them. He wanted to end it by telling her he was wrong but since it had been going on for so long now his male pride wouldn't allow it. He thought there would be another way to clear the air and being romantic with her just might win her over. He figured she was nuts about him anyway and once he turned on the ol Smart charm, she'd be putty in his hands. Max put down the paper and crept up to 99, bending over his lips touched the side of her neck. 99 reacted by grabbing Max in a headlock and flipping him over the sewing machine. Max flew over it and landed with a thud on his back.  
  
99 covered her mouth, "Oh Max, I am so sorry but you should know better than to surprise me like that."  
  
Max slowly got up holding his neck, "That just tears it, 99 This argument is over as of now.  
  
"That had nothing to do with our argument. That was just my highly tuned reflexes," 99 placed her hands on her hips, "and what makes you the one to proclaim this argument over. Are you going to be the one to admit you're wrong?"  
  
"I wouldn't admit to being wrong. if I was the last man on earth"  
  
"Max, you're not making any sense, like usual."  
  
"Well then, how's this for making sense, I'm sleeping in the guestroom tonight maybe that way I can get a break from your snoring"  
  
"That ok by me, at least I won't be fighting you for my side of the bed, you bed hog!" 99 shot back.  
  
"FINE!" shouted Max  
  
"FINE" shouted 99  
  
Max hobbled up the stairs and slammed the door to the guestroom. 99 threw her hand in the air, sat down and continued to sew her skirt. It was going to be a long night.  
  
Max and 99 drove to the restaurant in silence. Neither had gotten a good night sleep and their nerves were on edge. Max parked in front of the restaurant and looked over to 99.  
  
"99, when we go in we keep our minds on our assignment, no petty arguments or snide remarks. Agreed?"  
  
"Don't worry about me, I always keep my mind on the job" Just try not to get yourself killed."  
  
Max smiled at her concern for his well being.  
  
".I haven't paid this month's premium on your life insurance yet"  
  
Max frowned at 99, "You know something bad could happen to me in there "  
  
99 shook her head, "Not a chance"  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"Cause Max, I'm not that lucky that's why"  
  
Max tried to ignore 99's remark keeping his mind on the mission and not personal matters.  
  
They walked into the restaurant and were greeted by the host, a short, older Chinese gentleman.  
  
Max reached out his hand, "Hello, I'm Mr. Vance and this is Miss Honeywell, we're here for your monthly health inspection of the premises."  
  
The older Chinese man looked suspiciously at Max and 99.  
  
"What happened to the regular inspectors?" he asked  
  
"They took vacation time so we are taking their rounds this week." 99 explained.  
  
"Ok, kitchen is back here"  
  
Max and 99 followed the old man to the back. The kitchen was a bustle of activity. Waiters rushing in and out with orders for the lunch crowd.  
  
The old man just stood by watching Max and 99 when Max got his attention, "Thank you, we'll call you when we're done"  
  
The old man looked them over once more and left.  
  
"99 you check the supply room, I'll check what's going on in the Kitchen. And be careful"  
  
99 nodded and went to the supply room.  
  
Max made off as if he was checking equipment and the food conditions but all the while he was trying to figure out there and how the information to KAOS agents were getting out.  
  
After a half-hour, 99 met back up with Max out back by the garbage.  
  
"99, I couldn't find anything," Max said quietly  
  
"Neither could I,  
  
Maybe we are looking too hard and its right under our noses.  
  
Max's stomach started to grumble. "Lets get a bite to eat first and then continue our search.  
  
"Where do you want to eat"  
  
"We might as well eat here, that way we can keep an eye out for any suspicious activity in the dining room."  
  
Max and 99 came back to the kitchen and then made their way out to the front.  
  
"We're almost done but it's our lunch hour and we thought we'd grab a bite here."  
  
The old man shrugged, "Sit any place you like"  
  
Max and 99 sat by the front door and the old man handed them a menu.  
  
Max started to look at the prices, "Wow, this food is expensive. I wonder why they don't have lunch specials" Max spied a lunch special menu up by the register and went to get it. He started to look it over when the old man quickly came to the table.  
  
"That is wrong menu" the old man said as he snatched it away from Max.  
  
"Hey, its still the lunch hour I want to order from the lunch menu." Max complained  
  
The old man grabbed another lunch menu and shoved it infront of Max. " Here, this is right menu, you order from this"  
  
99 got suspicious and waited till the man walked away, "Max, don't you think it was rather strange that he gave you another lunch menu than the one you already had"  
  
Max sat studying what he wanted for lunch, "Probably yesterday's lunch menu"  
  
99 looked to the table next to her and noticed a man reading off the same lunch menu Max had before the old man took it away.  
  
"Max look, that man has the same menu that you had. Why would he get a different. 99's eyes grew big, "That's it!" exploded 99  
  
Max jumped by her excitement, " 99, will you hold it down, of course thats it..." Max got that dumbfounded look on his face, "what's it?"99 leaned forward and whispered to him, "It the menu Max, that's how they are getting information out of here to their agents, off the lunch special menu. KAOS must identify themselves somehow to get that special menu"  
  
"And that's why that old man took the menu away from me when he realized I wasn't part of KAOS. One thing is good 99 he doesn't know we're from CONTROL. He still thinks we are health inspectors. I'll call the Chief and order an all out raid. You order lunch so not to arouse their suspicion, I'll go to the restroom and call the Chief on my shoephone "  
  
"Why can't I be the one to call the Chief, I discovered how KAOS is doing it, you'll just take all the credit as usual." 99 said with a pout.  
  
" Why are you so testy, is it that time of the month? I'm the one with the shoephone and I'll make the call"  
  
Max got up and walked to the restroom. Once inside he took off his shoe and phone in.  
  
"Chief? Max, I have discovered how KAOS is getting out the information; it's in code on the lunch special menu. I'll explain later, right now you need to order a full scale raid on this place." Max nodded, "Right Chief, we won't do anything to tip them off. Ahhhh, well at least I won't." No Chief, 99 and I have not been arguing. Ok see you soon"  
  
Max walked back and sat down, "I told the Chief I." 99 pursed her lips together and shot Max a look, "I mean 'we' discovered how they are getting the information out"  
  
"Yeah I'll bet"  
  
"He'll be here soon with a squad of CONTROL agent ready to take this place down." Max put his napkin up to his neck. "What did you order?"  
  
"I just ordered chicken chow mein for both of us. If the Chief gets here soon, we might not even get to enjoy the meal so I didn't want to go crazy with a big order," 99 explained.  
  
"Good thinking, 99."  
  
Within fifteen minutes, the Chief and several other CONTROL agents came rolling into the place, with their guns drawn. They immediately ran to the back and located the restaurant owner in the office, and made quick work of securing the rest of the employees. The Chief put what little knowledge he had about the menu-switching to good use, as he got several employees to crack under the presumed threat, and admit to the scheme. He got all of the details he needed. They confessed to changing the prices on the lunch specials to represent dates and times of weapons shipments, and which docks they were to arrive at. After so many years of doing this kind of work, the Chief was quite adept at drawing information from inexperienced KAOS supporters, as these young restaurant employees were.  
  
The raid went off without a hitch and the Chief congratulated them on a job well done.  
  
"This is very cleaver how KAOS got this information through." The Chief commented as he looked over the lunch menu. "It was right under our noses and we missed it but now we have cracked another one of KAOS's master plans to control the world, good work you two."  
  
Max smiled slightly and 99 also gave a less than excited smirk. Both knew now that the mission was over and they would have to straighten out their differences. The Chief and all the other CONTROL agents cleared out the restaurant till there was just Max and 99 by themselves.  
  
" Well..." Max said struggling to find the words  
  
99 gave a big sigh as her eyes wondered around the room trying not to look at Max. "Yes, well."  
  
Max flew up his arms, "99, please I am tired this, lets talk this out like two intelligent adults."  
  
99 crossed her arms, " I suppose you're right, you go first"  
  
"I brought it up, you go first."  
  
99 started to get agitated, "Max you are so.." Suddenly 99 stopped in mid sentence as her face turned to fear.  
  
Max sensed a problem, "What's wrong, 99 ?" just then a gun was pushed against Max's back.  
  
Max froze not making any moves, "99, don't tell me there is a KAOS agent behind me"  
  
Before 99 could speak, the KAOS agent beat her to it; "There is a KAOS agent behind you"  
  
Max rolled his eyes and looked over his shoulder, " I asked her not to tell me that, not you"  
  
Max whipped around and stood next to 99, the KAOS agent pointing his gun toward both of them.  
  
" Get your hands up."  
  
Max and 99 complied with his request.  
  
"Where were you hiding, I thought we rounded up all of you up?" Max asked.  
  
"When I heard the raid, I ducked out the backdoor and in one of the garbage cans" the KAOS agent answered.  
  
"Well that explains it then"  
  
"Explains what?"  
  
"Why you smell like the special of the day" Max concluded  
  
"Enough of your cornball jokes, So Smart, it was you that discovered our information smuggling scheme. The KAOS agent said as he pointed his gun in the direction of Max.  
  
Max pointed his finger towards 99, " It was actually my wife that found out your plan"  
  
"MAX!" 99 said with shock  
  
"Well 99, you wanted the credit and now I'm giving it to you" Max said stating a fact.  
  
"It doesn't matter who did what, I'm gonna kill you both." The KAOS agent pointed his gun to Max and cocked the hammer on his gun.  
  
"Wait a minute." Max quickly said, "I have one last request"  
  
"Make it quick"  
  
Max turned to 99, "99 seeing that we are probably not going to live through this, is there something you'd like to tell me?"  
  
99's eyes grew wide, "Max! I can't believe you are bringing this up right now, that man is going to shoot us"  
  
"Exactly why we need to clear the air, so if you'd like to tell me you were wrong, I'm listening"  
  
99's mouth dropped open in amazement, " You are without a doubt the most."  
  
As 99 proceeded to tell Max off, this banter had the KAOS agent caught up in the squabble between Max and 99. Seeing him totally engrossed in 99 ranting, Max knocked the gun out of his hand then landed a right cross against the KAOS agent's chin, sending him backward into the kitchen.  
  
"99, quick call the Chief back for help," Max said throwing his shoe to 99.  
  
Max then dove into the kitchen to battle the KAOS agent.  
  
With the agent hidden from sight, Max grabbed his gun and hid behind the stainless steel shelves carefully checking for any movement from the KAOS agent. Moving slowly between shelves, he was on the alert trying to find the agent. Max crouched to the floor to see where the agent was hiding. When he spotted a pair of legs, Max grabbed a plate off the shelf and threw it in the other direction to flush out the agent.  
  
The plate went flying and the agent quickly shot in the direction of the plate's crashing sound, Max lifted up at the same time the KAOS agent did and two shots rang out. 99 froze when hearing the shots, then silence. With no sound coming from the kitchen, 99 yelled to the door, "MAX! ARE YOU ALRIGHT? SPEAK TO ME"  
  
99 knowing better than to run into a potentially dangerous situation, again shouted towards the kitchen door. "MAX?, MAX PLEASE ANSWER ME!"  
  
Not hearing any reply, she jumped up to see what happened when Max burst through the doors holding his stomach. "I got him 99, but."  
  
99 saw a red stain on his shirt and started to panic.  
  
"OH GOD MAX, YOU"VE BEEN SHOT!!"  
  
99 ran to Max but before he could say anything she had him on the floor.  
  
"Max, Max, I want you to lie still, the Chief will be here shortly with help" 99 cried desperately.  
  
Max looked up at 99 , "99.I'm sorry about this."  
  
99 caressed his cheek "There is nothing to be sorry about, my love, it was all my fault, I was wrong all along. My pride got into the way. I wish this argument never happened. And all the nasty things I was saying, I didn't mean it. It was so petty, and now. and now. you've been shot " 99 moaned as she lowered her head into his shoulder  
  
"You don't understand, 99." Max said as he lifted his head off her lap. "I'm not shot"  
  
99 sat dumbfounded as Max got up and brushed himself off.  
  
99 was confused, " You're not shot? But.but, what about the blood.." she said pointing to his shirt.  
  
Max looked down at his shirt, "Oh this? Chinese hot sauce. The KAOS agent's bullet shattered a bottle of hot sauce that was in front of me, splattering this sauce all over my shirt. Do you think you can get this stain out?"  
  
"So ,You're ok?"  
  
Max smiled, "Of course I'm ok, but I am sorry about the shirt. That stain is going to be murder to get out."  
  
99 was relieved yet angry at the same time, "Of all the dirty tricks, Maxwell Smart, this one is the dirtiest. Making me admit I was wrong by pretending you were shot." 99 began to cry.  
  
Max knelt down to 99 and wiped her tears off her cheek, "Sweetheart, I'm sorry if you feel that way but I didn't pretend to do anything. You assumed I was shot before I had a chance to tell you I wasn't. "  
  
99 wiped her nose, "You're right Max, I'm the one that should say I'm sorry. When I saw that "blood" on your shirt, I got so scared. I wanted to admit to being wrong so you wouldn't have to. "  
  
"Listen 99" Max said as he lifted her up from the floor and into his arms. "We were both wrong for letting this go as far as we did. Maybe this is a lesson for both of us. Life is too short for us to get caught up in who's right and who's wrong over some stupid argument. Let wipe the slate clean and start over, Ok?"  
  
99's arms grabbed hold of Max's neck, "Yes Max, I just want to go home and pretend this never happened."  
  
Just then the Chief and a couple of CONTROL agents rushed in. "We got here as fast as we could." the Chief saw Max's red stained shirt, "Max.?"  
  
" It's alright Chief, I'm just fine, just a hot sauce stain."  
  
"Thank Goodness" the Chief sighed.  
  
The Chief and the other CONTROL agents checked out the dead KAOS agent in the kitchen and searched the rest of the restaurant for any others that might be hiding.  
  
Max and 99 strolled back to their car in the parking lot. Once inside the car, 99 placed her hand on Max's leg.  
  
"Max, I know I've been neglecting you lately, I'm going to make it up to you in ways you could never imagine" 99 purred seductively  
  
Max looked down seeing 99's fingers inching up his thigh.  
  
"Why, it's been a whole week since we. " 99 whispered the rest of her sentence as her lips nuzzled into his ear.  
  
Max's eyes grew wide, "99, can't you wait till we get home? This is how that argument started the last time "  
  
99 nibbled on Max's neck, "So, tell me I'm wrong"  
  
"You are." Max was cut short as she proceeded to give him a long and passionate kiss. 99 slowly pulled back giving Max a chance to breath, ".sooooo right"  
  
, 


End file.
